Mrs. Crosland: If you love me, thou shalt shut up.
Andrew: This is like, cloudy with a chance of murder.
Mrs. Crosland: It sparked the flame that wrote the story.
Tyler: I'm tellin' you. Those freshman girls, I'm watchin' out.
Dania: They were holding hands and about to die.
Mr. Davis: That sounds nice.
Andrew: It doesn't taste good enough for me to chew it up and swallow.
Steph: Seductive blinking--for when one eye's not enough.
Mrs. Crosland: Now, this may cause some fear and trembling.
Conrad: So, if too much of a good thing is bad, is too much of a bad thing good?
John: I just wanted to say something epic. "Lead to your eternal damnation and hellfire."
Conrad: Let's get spiritually obese, everybody.
John: Grape juice would've been expensive.
John: Just today, my alarm disfunctioned.
John: You know, whatever it takes. If I'm not wearing a jacket, or if I'm not wearing pants...
Conrad: I'd like to provide my excuse too.
Conrad: Weep and wail, gnash teeth. (Chomps down twice.)
Andrew: K, do you wanna touch my neck?
Andrew: Hey! They're doing it without me! That's the Lord of the Rings drinking song! I know the words!
Jasmine: Don't pull my garment apart!
Lauren: I love your hat!
Old Man: You like it? Do you want it?
Lauren: I would love your hat, but you can keep it. Your head's probably cold.
Old Man's Wife: He has a little less hair than you do.
Ben: I'm not stressed, I'm motivated to work.
Ben: I can carry a conversation with anyone--even no one.
Dania: I'm very much not a fan.
Kristy: Jacob, I'm sad we're not on the same bus. We haven't had a catchie upie in a while.
Jacob: Danger lurks, even in the happiest of places.
Josh: I brought my brass knuckles in my purse.
Catie: Jacob doesn't feel pain.
Jacob: Yeah, I'm a boy.
McKann: I think it sounds fun to have a baby, but I can't imagine shoving one out of my pelvis!
Kirsti: Oh, you know what? I'm at a house.
Andrew: I don't like Orlando Bloom in this movie. He's much better as an elf.
Catie: Seriously, who has dead dreads?
Catie: Hey, if I was gonna battle pirates, I would put some pants on.
Jacob: It's like she's single, but not quite.
Bronwen: K, the only thing that can get me is a cougar, or a bear.
Andrew: Bring a pistol.
Emma: I was with you until the, "Let's have kids and pop out babies!"
Daniel: Did you just hit me in the back?
Andrew: It was more of a man tap.
Seth: Stuart, I'm gonna need some loving arms. And if you wanna tenderize them, you can.