Google Image

Dear friends, have you ever Google Image searched yourself? I hadn't--until about five minutes ago. Want to know what the first picture was?

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An exact likeness, if I do say so myself. I only wish all photographs would depict me as this--because that is precisely what I see when I look in the mirror every morning after my shower. Except, when it's after my shower I look a little soggier. Allow me to share with you a few of my other favorites.

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I know it doesn't look quite as close as the last one, but that's only because I'm hiding my face between an orange, purple, or yellow rectangle. I say all three colors because, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure which one I am at the moment. But, rest assured, I am one of them--because Google Images knows all, and it said so.

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Though these twin boys are clearly not identical, it's still difficult for me to determine which one I am. It might be the fact that they are boys and I'm a girl. Or that neither of them have long, lovely locks of red hair cascading down their backs. Either way, it would be beneficial if Google could include an arrow addressing which part of the photo it believed to be me. It's only the least it could do, just a small favor, but it would help monumentally.

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You know, I do seem to recall this moment. Although, when I recall it, I recall it as if I were a spectator rather than the actual competitor. Funny, how the memory can play tricks on us in such unsuspecting ways.

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This, however, I remember distinctly. I do remember a time in which I was a black man who went by Lenny Kravitz. And yes, my greatest hits were absolutely fantastic. Also, I am playing the role of Cinna in the upcoming film The Hunger Games. I hope you're excited! I know I can't wait to see myself on the big screen.

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This image is my personal favorite. Though I can't remember this specifically, I'm sure these days were the ones of glory. How could they not be? I was in a Polish production and that, my friends, is the measurement of all of our success.