Wednesday, June 1, 2011

May Quotes

John: Everybody wants to stalk and be stalked by others. Facebook just makes things easier.

Bronwen: Do you know what is really hard for me to imagine? A girl dwarf.

Andrew: Tyler, that's brilliant. (To Dania) No, not you, me.

Jane: I've come to the conclusion that everything would be a lot easier if I weren't so lazy.

Bronwen: Look at these men in tux's. Oh my gosh. They are so classy and gorgeous. OOOOOOOOH! So gorgeous!

McKann: Two things. Okay, first of all, I swear that Moaning Myrtle is in that bathroom...

Catie: When I'm tired, I get deep.

Kristen:  Good! We're so glad! Me, and the hosts in my head.

McKann: An ideal husband, mmmmmmmmmm.

Caleb: Should I be helpful, or should I be useless?

Kristen: You guys, sometimes I kiiiiiiiiiiinda wish I was a vampire.

Kristen: It was a dead body until it was a chicken!

Dania: If someone came up from behind us, I would totally pee my pants.
Kristen: Oh, I would do a lot more than that.

Kristen: It's always in the last stretch that you run into a camp of cougars and creepers.

Tyler: Steph, it's a game, I'm not gonna hold back! I have to kill you sometime! 

Dania: And then I'm like, "Satan, get out of my car!"

Dania: What's it gonna hurt? All that's gonna happen is we're gonna Facebook stalk each other.

Dania: Mom, what are you doing?
Mom: I'm stalking myself.

Bronwen: This week was the worst week of my life, and last week was worse.

John: Can men not be seduced by their own cologne?

Niels: Oh, that'd be beautiful. I'm weeping, see?

Tara: It was so scary! It's like being in an oven and a coffin at the same time!

McKann: It's okay, I have a total farmer's tan and my dress is not a farmer's dress.

John: I have like a two-octave whistling range.

Jacob: Now I can do the hand flute and the hand fart!

Jacob: (Playing patty-cake with McKann) Your small hands are swifter!

Shelton: What're you walking around with scriptures for? They're not gonna save you.

Caleb: Contrary to popular belief, I do not say everything that pops into my head.

McKann: (In reference to a 20-mile run) I would have seven stress fractures, a heart attack, and all my hair would fall out if I did that.

McKann: I am the one saving Caleb from injuries, let it be known.

McKann: A picture is worth a thousand words, but love is worth a million.

Dania: John, I have a spot in my car for you.
Seth: Oh, you know what that means, that means you'll be in Dania's car!

Seth: There comes a time in a guy's life when he comes awkwardly close to another man.

Michael: (Playing Taboo--the word is "underwear") This is clothing that we usually don't show each other.

Caleb: Do you not feel attracted to this carpet?

Steph: (Playing Taboo--the word is "naked") If I took all of my clothing off right now.
Everyone: Naked!

Caleb: I always have a comb in my pocket.

Caleb: But you're a female! You use a brush!

Benny: I want to smell my dada.

Grandma: I always said I would never remarry. Then I met Caleb.

Grandma: I might be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dania: Jacob, quit looking so cool. I can't handle it anymore.
Jacob: You'll just have to faint or somethin'.

Matt: Your eye is juicing, man!

Steph: ...And, why did we trust him? Never trust an Asian.

Crosland: Just to make sure that there's confusion CLEAR to the last day, we're starting school at 7:25.

Benny B: Put those in order of chronologic.

Tori: I hate pants!
Jacob: Tell me about it. If you were, like, two years old, you could take them off and no one would care about it.
Seth: But seeing as how you are not, tough luck.

Bronwen: I promise, I don't remember who. I dream about boys every night.

Matt: (To Dania) I put a heart around my face in your yearbook.
Cameron: Oh, that's funny. I did that in Seth's yearbook.

Seth: You just lost your virgin cheek.

Stuart: None of this crepe crap.

Tara: I know I'm the one, okay? Stop telling me that.

Anonymous: Have you ever squeezed your butt cheeks and made your back pop?

Anonymous: I hate it when I have to toot but I'm afraid that if I do I'm gonna pee my pants.

Anonymous: If you're gonna quote everything I say, I'm never saying anything funny again.

Parker: (Parker finds out that Dania hasn't seen any Toy Story movies.) That's like not having a hand and saying, "Eh, I don't need one."

Seth: See, I've always been a straight winker. Although, I did wink at myself this morning, so I don't know.

Seth: I tried to cry during Up!, but no tears came.

Caleb: My soul needs some chocolate. Does you soul need some chocolate?


  1. I love these. I feel like you should posting these things daily... except then it would be less exciting. So you should probably keep doing what you're doing.