Baby Steppin' it Along

Like the ever-diligent college student that I know you all believe me to be, I woke up long before the sun rose a few mornings ago to write my second to last paper of the entire semester. While persistently writing, I took a wake-myself-back-up break and searched my kitchen for any food that might have my name written on it. I hadn't (and still haven't) gone shopping for food to put in my freezer for quite some time, but I thought I'd check again. Just in case.

And you know what? Normally all I see is my roommates' ice cream and frozen goodies. But oh, this day was different. For on this day at precisely 5:43 in the AM (maybe not quite so precisely, but around that timeish) I discovered this little beauty:

Words will never be adequately capable of describing the excitement I felt. I simply could NOT wait until it was lunchtime and I could gobble down this microwavable delicacy. But I had to. I mean, there are papers to be written, classes to be attended, and breakfast to eat before it was time for lunch. My goodness, I couldn't just skip straight ahead to lunch with so many things to accomplish beforehand!

But eventually lunch did come. However, I have a question for you all. Maybe you have more wisdom than I. As I read the instructions for cooking my meal in the microwave oven (I contemplated the conventional oven for all of 30 seconds, when I realized that my roommate was already using the oven and I would have to wait an additional 12 minutes to the already prescribed 25 of cooking), I came across some...interesting instructions. I thought I'd share the joy.

And I quote:

1. Cort y retirela la película que cubre el filete de--

--Now wait just a minute, I do not speak Spanish. How am I supposed to underst...oh, I found the English instructions. Here we are:

1. Cut and remove film cover from beef steak and potatoes. Microwave on HIGH 3 minutes.
2. Stir potatoes. Microwave an additional 2 to 2 1/2 minutes. Microwave ovens below 1100 watt may require additional cook time to reach proper temperature. 
3. Let stand 2 minutes. CAREFULLY remove as PRODUCT WILL BE HOT.
4. Check that product is cooked thoroughly. Internal temperature needs to reach 165ºF as measured by a food thermometer in several spots.

Now, I would just like to explain the things that are my favorite about these instructions. I would also like to continue to phrase my sentences as awkwardly as possible.

Moving on. 

I am a big fan of the words that they have chosen to bold or type in ALL CAPS. But it makes me wonder, if those words are the most important, shouldn't we just save on ink and only print those words? 

1. Cut remove Microwave HIGH
2. Stir Microwave Microwave ovens below 1100 watt

And so on. Let's be considerate of the environment here, people.

My other favorite part of these highly informative instructions is the small print found on Steps 2 and 4. I know I memorized my microwave oven wattage the moment I set foot in my apartment--safety first. And I'm sure that, by now, we are all aware of the fact that a food thermometer is a must-have when it comes to microwave dinners. Again, safety first.

Oh! While I'm on the safety track, don't forget to wear your helmets, safety belts, turn off the sink while brushing your teeth, and look both ways when you cross the street. Barney has a song to teach you about the importance of these things, so if you can't quite remember why it's important, contact me and I can provide you with a catchy little ditty to help you out.

Let's just baby step our way on through life, shall we?