Lacey: Which, you know, is gonna break her old heart, and she's gonna...die! I wouldn't put it past her--she would die just to guilt trip me.
Lacey: Aoooaahhh! I just smacked myself in the nose!
Taylor: [While looking for a place in the park where we can't smell dog poop] The flowers will override--like perfume on a sweaty woman.
Dani: Lacey, remember when we were crazy?
Lacey: Yeah...remember when we were single?
Lacey: I can feel the sun trying to give me cancer.
Dani: That's just the sun trying to give you love. Sometimes it just grows uncontrollably.
Soo: Why are you telling me to be a good wife? Give me a husband first!
Lacey: So I discovered something about Orajel. It tastes like fire, but it feels like ice.
Taylor: I feel like Harry Potter. My scar hurts.
Tori: Brandon has really good English, but sometimes he gets his murds wixed up.
Lacey: I'm gonna go now because my roommate and fiancee are being children.
Anna: Oh, Anastasia! I was thinking of Fantasia all this time.
Anna: He's very muscular. I dated him for two months. I don't know anything else about him.
Anna: My grandma ended up dying that Friday morning. My bad.
Lacey: [Heard from around the corner at night] Daaaaannnnniiiiiiii, get off Facebook.
Brother Bradford: Does anyone know the first thing Adam and Eve had to deal with in the garden?
Ethan: Was it who wore the plants in the family?
Lacey: I'm gonna have such bad heartburn. [Takes another bite of chili cheese fries.]
Lacey: I feel like she's the kind of person where we'd be like, "Hey, let's be friends." If she weren't my doctor.
Tyler: I hate cereal. It's the meal choice of Satan.
Zach: Well, he has good taste.
Brother Bradford: And then you're popping out the babies every six months, that can be stressful. [Interjection by everyone in the room about the faulty timeframe.] What? Oh. That's not the way it works? Well, I don't know everything about marriage.
President Ogles: I'm sorry I came in late, we had a teenage crisis at my home. It's amazing that anyone makes it through those years without being killed. By their parents.