Wednesday, November 24, 2010
"I will eat you in manageable, bite-sized pieces."
I love this show. Want to know why? It is hilarious. It's intense. It sucks me in. The characters are quirky. And best of all: I'm not scarred by the time the hour is finished. It isn't filled with scenes that send me diving for the remote to skip ahead. In fact, I'm more likely to rewind it so I can hear that funny line again.
Shawn: (Tackles the bank robber) Free hugs, who's next?
Shawn:Is it entirely too early for me to have a theory?
Gus: Could you wait until we see some evidence first?
Shawn: I suppose I could, if it'd make you happier.
Shawn: Can you check for a John Doe, please? Actually, can you check all the does? Tae-quon, cookie, play, dosee...
Shawn: Come with me!
Gus: Uh, no. I'm never doing anything blindly with you again. I learned that at the Mexican border. Twice.
Shawn: This one takes the cake.
Gus: Oh yeah? Better than the acupuncture clinic?
Shawn: I didn't realize experience was necessary.
Gus: Shawn, we're in a hallway. Staying close to the wall doesn't make us invisible.
Shawn: Agree to disagree.
Bouncer for the Caio Fashion Line party: I think you have the wrong line.
Shawn: I think we're on the VIP list.
Shawn: Black and Tan.
Bouncer: First names?
Shawn: No first names. One of us is black and one of us is tan. We're a modeling team, perhaps you've heard of us. We're retired. Just check your list.
Bouncer: (checking list) Holy crap it is you; (to Shawn) sorry for the mix-up, Tan.
Shawn: I beg your pardon, my name is Black. His name is Tan. I can't believe you made that assumption. You should be ashamed of yourself and your family.
Chief Vick: Mr. Spencer?
Shawn and Henry: Yes?
Chief: The older, not old but less--
Shawn: Hair? Facebook friends?
Henry: Less nose.
Shawn: I'm Shawn SpenSTAR. This is my partner, Gus T.T. Showbiz.
Gus: The extra T is for extra talent.
Lassiter: There's something I need to get off my chest.
Shawn: Is it your shirt? Please say no.
Shawn: Yes, but what isn't clear is why people always say, "It goes without saying" yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying.
Shawn: Someone forgot to drink their courageous juice this morning.
Shawn: (Using an EZ Bake oven) That depends. Are you a fan of delicious flavor?
Shawn: Remember, you treat a woman like a person, then a princess, then a Greek goddess, and then a person again.
Gus' Secretary: There's a Lieutenant Crunch here to see you, sir.
Gus: Lieutenant Crunch?
Shawn: Actually I've been promoted. It's Captain Crunch now.
Gus: Shut your mouth!
Shawn: I'm havin' a vision!
Gus: I can dig it!
(Shawn's dad, hiding in the background, tries to explain with his hands that there was a bomb.)
Shawn: Oooooooh it's a...it's a big birthday cake!
Gus: Ohh, make a wish! What?!
Juliet: You told the dead clown story, didn't you?
Lassiter: What? That is a funny story!
Juliet: Clowns are funny. Stories about them being shot to death, not so much. Please tell me you didn't draw a diagram of the bullet holes.
Lassiter: W--there were crayons on the table. What was I supposed to do?
Juliet: You took her to a restaurant that had crayons on the table?
Bounty Hunter: (Showing his wrist bands) Besides, these don't come in a men's small.
Shawn: So we'll just buy women's large.
Gus: You named your fake detective agency "Psych?" Why didn't you just call it "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it?"
Shawn: First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way to convince people you're not lying to tine is to tell them you are!
Gus: You're dating a murderer?!
Shawn: Not exclusively.
(Gus takes forever to turn his car around.)
Shawn: An eleven point turn. Really?
Gus: Shawn, if we are out here for more than two days, I will eat you.
Shawn: You couldn't eat me.
Gus: I will finish you whole.
Shawn: That doesn't make any sense.
Gus: I will eat you in manageable bite-sized pieces.
Shawn: Canada's one of the top 50 countries in the world.
Gus: And how many countries are there?
Shawn: At least 50. Maybe more.
And so it goes. I love this show.
This is hilarious. Shawn and Gus bobble-heads. Good stuff.
I also love Monk. But that will have to wait for a post in the future.