Monday, January 31, 2011

January Quotes

It's that time again! Yes, that time for all of us to be entertained by the strange remarks of others. I was hesitant to post on the last day of the month, seeing as how I had to do a follow-up post last month. But I think it's safe to say that there are no additions making it into the January Quote Book. Without further adieu, I give you the January quotes.

*Disclaimer: Some of these are inside jokes. Some of these you will not find entertaining. I am aware of that. Just enjoy the ones that you find to be entertaining.

Mayson: Wait, how many kids do you own?

Matt: That's like getting pregnant a week after you deliver.
Jacob: That's like 12 years of having a messed up flavor system.

(Bronwen and Mayson fall to the floor in an uproar of laughter.)
Andrew: They didn't even say anything! It's like telepathy!

Mayson: Mayson got new running shoes!
Catie: I wonder if she realized she was talking in third person...

Catie: And he said no at the altar.
Seth: That is so classy.

Mayson: You just get cold feet and run away.
Seth: My feet are cold! I'll be back!

Dania: [to Brooke] Cause you're a twig and I'm not.
Mayson: Did you just call her a pig?!

Matt: It sounds like a fish. A good tasting fish, don't worry.

Seth: [speaking of mushrooms] I'm not a huge fan. I mean, I don't have a mushroom shirt.

Jacob: A bath is only pure if your mom is in there with a camera.

Seth: Spit? That can be calming. "Oh, I just need some spit. Thank heavens, I have some."

Jacob: I had a dream. And it was shattered.

Seth: It sounds like a woman, but it's a man.

Seth: The planets are always there for you.

Tori: Why does my whole room smell like an old fart?!

Catie: Woah! I didn't know you had tape on your mouth so I thought you were ripping your mouth off!

Catie: How do you hold hands passionately?!

Ben: We're not gonna do a center spread on love. It's already decided.

Abby: I can't be funny all the time, it's taxing.

Bronwen: It's really funny! Close your eyes and look!

Dania: Pretty sure this baby is a doll.
Bronwen: No it's not.
Dania: Not literally.

Benny: Hey, it's mine!
Mom: Hey, you go to sleep.
Benny: ...Okay.

Mayson: I'm done dating girls!

Mayson: I'm not drunk, this just happens sometimes.

Mom: Tori, you rock!
Dania: No Tori, YOU rock!
Tori: Keep doing it!

Ben: Death will be the death of me.

Steph: I'm so upset. I think I'm gonna eat something.

Steph: I want a wine glass like that. Though, preferably not filled with wine.

Tara: Beat sounds like a...a vegetable.

Mr. Larson: Don't let the men drag you astray.

Tori: Are your ears burning? From blushing?!

Will: I've had it with clothes! It just takes too much time out of my morning. There are better things I can do with my time.

Maren: Sometimes I just wish you could upload stuff straight into your brain.

Maren: You have really pretty eyes, I never noticed with the rest of your facial features.

Tyler: School is school, you may as well prolong getting on with the rest of your life.

Katie: I don't get it, why does Steph get to be your girlfriend?
Ben: Well, you better get in line, cause Dania's next.

Jemi: Let's try to read this. "Wang korepab seasoning." Oh, it's in english!

Stuart: Caleb! Oh, I love Caleb!
Ben: I know, it's like Everybody Loves Raymond, but Everybody Loves Caleb!

Mary: My mouth tastes like mothballs.
McKann: I've never had one.

McKann: [speaking of menus] Or if you wanted to know what it tasted like, you could just touch this and you would taste it in your mouth.

McKann: I can't understand your mouthing words, but I don't really want to cause I'm sure it's some sarcastic, rude comment.
Mary: How did you know?!

Stuart: I got a triple baconater once. And it was good but afterwards I could literally feel my colon rupturing.
Ben: You know, the baconater is the 3rd leading cause for colon cancer.

Jacob: I just ate your throw up, you owe me one.

Jacob: It's a memory I'd like my mouth to forget.

Benny: I like your toes. I like your owie.
Dad: ...You like my owie?

Ryan: He is a great teenage man!

Ben: [to Thomas] You have nice features, man. Has anyone ever told you that?

(Random kids kept yelling "Hey you stupid kids!" from their car while we were at Krispy Kreme.)
Steph: These are the kids who couldn't get them for their grades.

Steph: They're going to get old yucky ones from two days ago and get diseases and we are going to prevail!

Steph: I'm going to talk in an intense voice from now on.

Kristen: You know what you remind me of sometimes? A cute little butternut squash.

Steph: Hey! Speak of the devil!
Ben: Don't speak of the devil, that's bad.

Catie: Kristy! Cover your fashionable ears!

Catie: Splat! Like a lunch lady.

Catie: The only time guys compliment me is when I wear my burger earrings.

Kristy: He had nice, womanly curves.

Catie: I was born with bald.

Tyler: I spank my brother in the hallway.

Ben: I actually did read it last night. It's addicting and scary. It's like a bad T.V. show.

Ben: It's a blog-eat-blog world out there.

Tyler: Wait, she really does want me?

Ben: Wallowing in ignorance is a sin.

Seth: Can I buy my own ad contact?
Ben: Sure, what would you like to advertise?
Seth: My face.

McKann: You were probably sitting there, flirting with a bunch of girls...
Tyler: Well, what else would I do?

Thomas: If I don't get into BYU I'm becoming a beach bum.

Thomas: Oh, for the love of St. Petersburg!

Tyler: Okay, how do we feel about contractions?

Thomas: It stresses me out. Marriage, commitment, children...

McKann: If it didn't have the meaning that it did, diarrhea would be a pretty word. I mean, think about it. But really, you could name a child that.

Mr. Davis: Rule of thumb, no produce comparisons.

Catie: It's like how people's parents pay their kids for grades. My parents paid me the first time I got an A- to help me feel better.

Mr. Davis: Even better, "I like it when it says..." Like the book says it when you open it. "Hello, reader!"

Student: Old people sit on their porches.
Mr. Davis: Thank you.

Eve: It's like my life on a PowerPoint.

Dania: It's like in a movie when they can hear your thoughts.
Mayson: Hey Dania, that's called speaking out loud.

Andrew: Karma my bones.

Mrs. Crosland: I'm trying to do math up here and you're distracting me. It's all fun and games when you're just watching. By the way, it's my birthday. Coming up.

Tyler: I got an A. The merciful heavens are smiling down upon us this day.

Caleb: Why are you erasing C. S. Lewis with a piece of paper?

Zach: He's a choir boy, for Pete's sake, he doesn't have a blood thirst.

Calculus book: Like a loaf of bread.
Benny B: A spherical loaf of bread.
Mrs. Crosland: This is always better if you think of it in terms of food.

Mrs. Crosland: It would be cute if something dropped out here.

Mrs. Crosland: Let's go ahead and chose the wrong thing.

Mrs. Crosland: You're not up a creek without a paddle. You've got resources. You've got a brain.

Mrs. Crosland: I had to do a slight bet of cosmetic surgery so it fits, but it hasn't changed at all.

Mrs. Crosland: We're running out of time and I wish we weren't running out of time.
Will: Me too.

Mrs. Crosland: I'm pretty sure I'm right.

Josh: The shark was eating a plane.
Mrs. Crosland: I can just see how it makes you giggle.

Josh: Can we put this at a more personal level? Like, "How many potatoes does John Wilson consume in an hour?"
Mrs. Crosland: Cause we are interested to see how many millions of bushels that John did consume in that year.


  1. These are defintely not in chronological order. And you missed so pretty vital quotations. Consider the angie upped for this month.

  2. Dania I love it. Soon I will make it into your monthly quotes! Not gonna lie, first thing I did, look up the McKann diarrhea quote. Oh man. Funniest moment EVER.

    Love ya Dania!

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  4. Basically I love Mrs. Crosland and I miss her hilarious quotes. Well done this month Dania, you seem to have captured everyone at their...finest.

  5. And sorry about the Bakugan World comment...My brother's friends' gmail was logged in instead of mine.