January Quotes

It's that time again! Yes, that time for all of us to be entertained by the strange remarks of others. I was hesitant to post on the last day of the month, seeing as how I had to do a follow-up post last month. But I think it's safe to say that there are no additions making it into the January Quote Book. Without further adieu, I give you the January quotes.

*Disclaimer: Some of these are inside jokes. Some of these you will not find entertaining. I am aware of that. Just enjoy the ones that you find to be entertaining.

Mayson: Wait, how many kids do you own?

Matt: That's like getting pregnant a week after you deliver.
Jacob: That's like 12 years of having a messed up flavor system.

(Bronwen and Mayson fall to the floor in an uproar of laughter.)
Andrew: They didn't even say anything! It's like telepathy!

Mayson: Mayson got new running shoes!
Catie: I wonder if she realized she was talking in third person...

Catie: And he said no at the altar.
Seth: That is so classy.

Mayson: You just get cold feet and run away.
Seth: My feet are cold! I'll be back!

Dania: [to Brooke] Cause you're a twig and I'm not.
Mayson: Did you just call her a pig?!

Matt: It sounds like a fish. A good tasting fish, don't worry.

Seth: [speaking of mushrooms] I'm not a huge fan. I mean, I don't have a mushroom shirt.

Jacob: A bath is only pure if your mom is in there with a camera.

Seth: Spit? That can be calming. "Oh, I just need some spit. Thank heavens, I have some."

Jacob: I had a dream. And it was shattered.

Seth: It sounds like a woman, but it's a man.

Seth: The planets are always there for you.

Tori: Why does my whole room smell like an old fart?!

Catie: Woah! I didn't know you had tape on your mouth so I thought you were ripping your mouth off!

Catie: How do you hold hands passionately?!

Ben: We're not gonna do a center spread on love. It's already decided.

Abby: I can't be funny all the time, it's taxing.

Bronwen: It's really funny! Close your eyes and look!

Dania: Pretty sure this baby is a doll.
Bronwen: No it's not.
Dania: Not literally.

Benny: Hey, it's mine!
Mom: Hey, you go to sleep.
Benny: ...Okay.

Mayson: I'm done dating girls!

Mayson: I'm not drunk, this just happens sometimes.

Mom: Tori, you rock!
Dania: No Tori, YOU rock!
...
Tori: Keep doing it!

Ben: Death will be the death of me.

Steph: I'm so upset. I think I'm gonna eat something.

Steph: I want a wine glass like that. Though, preferably not filled with wine.

Tara: Beat sounds like a...a vegetable.

Mr. Larson: Don't let the men drag you astray.

Tori: Are your ears burning? From blushing?!

Will: I've had it with clothes! It just takes too much time out of my morning. There are better things I can do with my time.

Maren: Sometimes I just wish you could upload stuff straight into your brain.

Maren: You have really pretty eyes, I never noticed with the rest of your facial features.

Tyler: School is school, you may as well prolong getting on with the rest of your life.

Katie: I don't get it, why does Steph get to be your girlfriend?
Ben: Well, you better get in line, cause Dania's next.

Jemi: Let's try to read this. "Wang korepab seasoning." Oh, it's in english!

Stuart: Caleb! Oh, I love Caleb!
Ben: I know, it's like Everybody Loves Raymond, but Everybody Loves Caleb!

Mary: My mouth tastes like mothballs.
McKann: I've never had one.

McKann: [speaking of menus] Or if you wanted to know what it tasted like, you could just touch this and you would taste it in your mouth.

McKann: I can't understand your mouthing words, but I don't really want to cause I'm sure it's some sarcastic, rude comment.
Mary: How did you know?!

Stuart: I got a triple baconater once. And it was good but afterwards I could literally feel my colon rupturing.
Ben: You know, the baconater is the 3rd leading cause for colon cancer.

Jacob: I just ate your throw up, you owe me one.

Jacob: It's a memory I'd like my mouth to forget.

Benny: I like your toes. I like your owie.
Dad: ...You like my owie?

Ryan: He is a great teenage man!

Ben: [to Thomas] You have nice features, man. Has anyone ever told you that?

(Random kids kept yelling "Hey you stupid kids!" from their car while we were at Krispy Kreme.)
Steph: These are the kids who couldn't get them for their grades.

Steph: They're going to get old yucky ones from two days ago and get diseases and we are going to prevail!

Steph: I'm going to talk in an intense voice from now on.

Kristen: You know what you remind me of sometimes? A cute little butternut squash.

Steph: Hey! Speak of the devil!
Ben: Don't speak of the devil, that's bad.

Catie: Kristy! Cover your fashionable ears!

Catie: Splat! Like a lunch lady.

Catie: The only time guys compliment me is when I wear my burger earrings.

Kristy: He had nice, womanly curves.

Catie: I was born with bald.

Tyler: I spank my brother in the hallway.

Ben: I actually did read it last night. It's addicting and scary. It's like a bad T.V. show.

Ben: It's a blog-eat-blog world out there.

Tyler: Wait, she really does want me?

Ben: Wallowing in ignorance is a sin.

Seth: Can I buy my own ad contact?
Ben: Sure, what would you like to advertise?
Seth: My face.

McKann: You were probably sitting there, flirting with a bunch of girls...
Tyler: Well, what else would I do?

Thomas: If I don't get into BYU I'm becoming a beach bum.

Thomas: Oh, for the love of St. Petersburg!

Tyler: Okay, how do we feel about contractions?

Thomas: It stresses me out. Marriage, commitment, children...

McKann: If it didn't have the meaning that it did, diarrhea would be a pretty word. I mean, think about it. But really, you could name a child that.

Mr. Davis: Rule of thumb, no produce comparisons.

Catie: It's like how people's parents pay their kids for grades. My parents paid me the first time I got an A- to help me feel better.

Mr. Davis: Even better, "I like it when it says..." Like the book says it when you open it. "Hello, reader!"

Student: Old people sit on their porches.
Mr. Davis: Thank you.

Eve: It's like my life on a PowerPoint.

Dania: It's like in a movie when they can hear your thoughts.
Mayson: Hey Dania, that's called speaking out loud.

Andrew: Karma my bones.

Mrs. Crosland: I'm trying to do math up here and you're distracting me. It's all fun and games when you're just watching. By the way, it's my birthday. Coming up.

Tyler: I got an A. The merciful heavens are smiling down upon us this day.

Caleb: Why are you erasing C. S. Lewis with a piece of paper?

Zach: He's a choir boy, for Pete's sake, he doesn't have a blood thirst.

Calculus book: Like a loaf of bread.
Benny B: A spherical loaf of bread.
Mrs. Crosland: This is always better if you think of it in terms of food.

Mrs. Crosland: It would be cute if something dropped out here.

Mrs. Crosland: Let's go ahead and chose the wrong thing.

Mrs. Crosland: You're not up a creek without a paddle. You've got resources. You've got a brain.

Mrs. Crosland: I had to do a slight bet of cosmetic surgery so it fits, but it hasn't changed at all.

Mrs. Crosland: We're running out of time and I wish we weren't running out of time.
Will: Me too.

Mrs. Crosland: I'm pretty sure I'm right.

Josh: The shark was eating a plane.
Mrs. Crosland: I can just see how it makes you giggle.

Josh: Can we put this at a more personal level? Like, "How many potatoes does John Wilson consume in an hour?"
...
Mrs. Crosland: Cause we are interested to see how many millions of bushels that John did consume in that year.